As I meet people and the subject of my column is raised, I've been asked a few times to cover the topic of Play Parties.
A play party by definition is an orgy – a gathering of several people of varying sexual lifestyles/ preferences for the purpose of sexual activity. Usually the host(s) determines if the party is for a hetero/bisexual, gay/lesbian or BDSM (or all of the above) attendees. Play parties are usually by invitation only. When invitations go out, a set of rules are also sent. Sometimes admission is charged to cover the cost of staff, rent, laundry and supplies. Sometimes males only are charged admission or charged a higher rate of admission than females. Usually there is a reasonable fee for couples or a group that arrives together. The main rule is to have consent. If someone does not wish to engage with others, but to just watch or exhibit masturbation, that is their preference. If you ask someone for a sexual encounter, for permission to touch, kiss or more, be specific about your intentions and be ready to move on after hearing, “No.” A pile of writhing, naked bodies is not necessarily an invitation for anyone to join in. If you have been told “No” by someone and yet you see them in the midst of a pile, don't be confused. You probably still do not have consent to engage with that person. Another main rule is to use a barrier method for safe sex. Use dental dams, plastic wrap for rimming or female oral sex and condoms for all penetration, including male oral sex. It is highly disapproved for anyone that is currently having an HPV/HSV outbreak or STD infection to attend a play party. Be respectful of yourself and the guests to not spread infections or a virus. Usually at these events, there are chaperones. A chaperone will know if the pile is a free-for-all-attendees or if introductions or rules apply. They usually will not interact sexually, rather, they stand by, ready to help with shy introductions, making newcomers feel welcome, and keeping those with questionable behavior in check. Also, they watch to be sure that barrier methods are being used. A good chaperone is also quick to hand someone a condom or packet of lube to avoid any stumbling across the room to find and retrieve such supplies. Some play parties are strictly sober. No alcohol or drugs means that one's state of mind and intentions are clear and not influenced by a substance. People arriving in state of non-sobriety will likely be turned away from entering. Some parties encourage drug and alcohol use. It all depends on your host(s) and their rules. Some attendees intentions are to find someone new. Some attendees are purely into the exhibition of having sex in front of others, with the possibility of someone new joining in. Others are content with watching and getting to see sex up close and personal. Sometimes you never see these people again. Sometimes, especially if you live in a small town, you will see someone from the party again in a social or work setting. Usually there is a “Vegas” attitude regarding attending a play party - “What happen there, stays there.” It creates a safe environment for all attendees. The fewer rumors and gossip, the more people will want to attend these parties and feel uninhibited doing so. Swinger and couple-swapping parties are a bit different. The participants usually know one another. It is a more intimate situation than a play party. Making your sex life public, even at a semi-private event, one takes the chance of seeing someone they know in real life. Be prepared for the jump of adrenalin and how to handle any uncomfortable encounters. Meet this situation with calm and cool. Be responsible and do what's best for the party. That's the biggest goal of all – be totally cool and comfortable with yourself, your sexual expression and desires. Be open to either having everyone at the party either paw at you or ignore you. One never knows how one will be received. Don't be disappointed or upset, be ready to try again if it wasn't what you expected or wanted. Also, if you have a negative experience, talk about it with the host(ess). They can address possible needed changes for future parties. If the negativity is insecurity, jealousy, fear, embarrassment or other self-negative characteristics, a play party may not be the best choice for your sexual enjoyment. “Always Make Pleasure Your Goal” - Lady Monster * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * If you have a question or a topic you would like to have covered in this column, please go to: and click on the link for the Google form. Or, call (614) 636-0936 and leave a message in my Google Voice Mail Box. Both options are 100% anonymous. Thank you.