18 October 2014

The California Supreme Court had an opportunity Tuesday to do the right thing and overturn the thinly-passed Proposition 8 gay-marriage ban which the state's Homophobes voted into law through a ballot referendum last November. To no one's shock or surprise, they upheld the controversial decision, even as many other states like Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, Maine, New Hampshire, New Jersey and New York have moved to legalize such unions. Clearly, not everything progressive originates in The Golden State. This time, California can bask in its regressiveness (Prop 8 was an answer to an earlier Supreme Court ruling last May to allow same-sex marriages). So, "the will of the people" wins, and logic, fairness and tolerance loses.

But Tuesday's court decision wasn't a total bust. They did throw homosexuals a bone (pun intended) by grandfathering in the roughly 18,000 gay marriages that took place between June and November. The fact that 36,000 gays will be able to live with straights in peaceful, non-institution-threatening harmony, as one big happy California marital family, is itself inherent proof that the ban is truly a whole lotta nonsense about nothing and worthy of absolute repeal.

I still don't get why, when we're fighting two wars, terrorists, an economic meltdown and a need for universal health care, certain people seem to care more about whether gays and lesbians legally marry. Is this really an issue? In trying to understand the motivation behind the opposition, I once again turned to my Republican pal Bryant, my right-wing muse and trusty barometer of all things politically irrational and illogical, who also happens to live in California. Bryant and narrow-minded, intolerant folks like him use as their biggest argument that the legalization of same-sex marriages threatens the sanctity of heterosexual marriage. But, through their intensely vocal opposition, they often fail to mention that some of them, like Bryant himself, have actually been married as many as three times. Kind of an odd little factoid for someone who passionately defends the institution they claim to hold so dear and wish to protect from all those domesticated queer folk. The hypocrisy, the blatant double-standard, is infuriating.

There can be no sanctity in hetero marriages when people like Bryant piss on the 'sacred' institution by getting divorced whenever they feel like it. The phrase "till death do us part" is not a cherished vow to these people, but a cliche catchphrase that's honored until they no longer have any use for it. These liars break their vows every day and then stand in judgement of gays, claiming to be better than them; more deserving of the great institution of marriage. I'm sorry, but the whole "do as I say, not as I do" bullshit is enough to make you puke.

And if it's not the "sanctity" card these homophobes are playing, what is it then? Is it simply a personal bias against gays? That they just don't believe in homosexuals getting married? Well, there are lots of ignorant bigots who don't believe in interracial and interfaith marriages either. How about we start passing laws and voter referendums banning these unions too? Where do we draw the line?

The nation's gay-bashers need to stop being such narrow-minded, frightened little twits. Don't worry boys, legalizing gay marriage doesn't mean some stealth homo's gonna sneak up on ya and suck your dick. Truth is, these amped-up testosterone-drunk assbags would probably like it, which is why they and so many other "straights" are always so preoccupied with what a couple of queers do to get off. As I like to say, those who bash the hardest are the ones with the biggest closet.

To be sure, there's nothing American about discriminating against anyone on the basis of race, religion, gender, age or sexual orientation. Banning same-same sex marriage is morally wrong, it's unconstitutional and, as so many progressive states have shown us, it's just a matter of time before there's a happy ending (pun intended) to this story.