I pledge allegiance to Haslam
…and the wisdom of the Columbus Partnership.
And to the greed for which City Hall stands.
One billionaire, worshipping the God of money,
…we so easily divided and distracted, with corruption and profit for the few.
In what some political observers have labeled “the most surprising, yet honest” rewriting of the pledge”; the city of Columbus, Ohio has taken the lead in the next step of American democracy by changing their pledge of allegiance.
This new pledge is now required at the beginning of each class for Columbus City Schools (private schools are not required), city meetings, sports events, birthday parties, funerals, and foreclosure or bankruptcy proceedings. Failure to follow this new city law will result in your tax abatement being reduced by 5 percent (if you’re one of the businesses avoiding over 192 million in taxes every year).
City Council President (and next Mayor of Columbus) Shannon Hardin explained,
“As a city we must come to grips with the reality that we exist only to serve the rich and powerful. You expect City Council or the Mayor to listen to what the working poor need?”
“You are so easily distracted with soccer mascots and most of you never vote anyway. Why should we care what you think. We don’t work for you. We work for the businesses that donate to our campaign accounts.”
“Give me a break. The working poor only exist for my photo opportunities to post to Facebook. Haslam is my one true God.”
The Columbus Free Press asked for clarification on these comments, but President Hardin was not available. He and Mayor Ginther were attending a fundraiser for the next Republican Governor Vivek Ramaswamy.
Please ask your friends to follow this new city law. And remember not to vote or ask questions about anything the Mayor or City Council does. They are all much more intelligent that you are and know what is best for our future.
Not Suicidal.
A friend told me not to write this as I might be sued for slander or attacked publicly. Humor is still protected free speech and just to be clear: I have no plans to commit suicide.
I am not suicidal and do not use illegal drugs or consume alcohol. I do not play with loaded firearms. I am significantly behind in my personal reading, but that’s not fatal.
Therefore, if you learn that I took my own life please check again. There’s still a lot to look forward to.