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We've arrived at the 30-year milestone of Watergate, though calling it an anniversary is a bit too celebratory for me. Watergate started as a bungled break-in but became a symbol of abuse of presidential powers: break-ins, wiretapping newsmen, illegal campaign contributions, selling ambassadorships and covering it all up.

At the time of Watergate, I was in my early 30s and serving as counsel to the president. Today, I look back on those years and realize how unique my opportunity was. There were more good days than bad, more happy days than sad. Yet the bad and sad have a way of sticking in one's memory.

The bad days were when I learned that the president was deeply involved in the Watergate cover-up and my warning of a cancer on his presidency failed to evoke the response I'd hoped and planned. The sad days were when I had to testify against my friends and former colleagues. Watergate wasn't a tragedy; it was a disaster.

The question I'm most often asked is, "Why did it happen?" The only answer is Richard Nixon. The evidence is overwhelming. No president has ever left behind a more complete record of himself and his presidency.

Notes by aides, the president's jottings in the margins of his news summaries, thoughts dictated into his diary, the interoffice memoranda and, of course, the secret tapes, tell the story of many Nixons.

Richard Nixon is a study of paradox. He was a man who loved the spotlight but was uncomfortable in it. No man was ever better prepared to become president. And no president ever made a greater mess of his presidency.

Few realize how hard Nixon worked to look like he was not working hard. What many thought were extemporaneous speeches or press briefings were in fact largely memorized.

Outside his staff, few were aware how pleasant he was to work with. Nixon was a quick study, appreciative of good staff work and considerate of those who served him.

Yet his closest aide, Bob Haldeman, who spent decades with Nixon, found him the weirdest man ever to sit in the Oval Office. Haldeman said that Nixon had no idea how many children Haldeman had and they only shook hands once - the day Nixon asked him to resign over Watergate.

Nixon was surprisingly uncomfortable with strangers, not to mention his friends. He appeared to enjoy his closest friend, Bebe Rebozo, because he didn't have to talk to him. The Secret Service once told me the two spent hours together and never exchanged a word.

The tapes make abundantly clear that Nixon could be mean-spirited, vindictive, foul-mouthed, anti-Semitic, chauvinistic, dishonest and corrupt. But this talk was limited to certain aides, and he was an entirely different man with others. I only heard the dark side of Nixon once or twice. It was the norm with aides like Haldeman, John Ehrlichman and Chuck Colson.

Nixon was brilliant, hard-working and conscientious, not to mention guilt-ridden, introverted and terribly uncoordinated. He didn't want his staff to know that he took naps, but we all knew it.

He was a wonderful and loving father who was enchanted by his daughters. He appeared to be a distant, uncommunicative, cold and demanding husband. Yet when he lost his wife, he broke down publicly, for he obviously loved her dearly and deeply.

Watergate was devastating for Nixon, but who could expect it to turn out otherwise? I've read his memoirs and other books, and they're good. These were his principal source of income after leaving office. He needed the money to fund his many lawsuits, which were designed to keep his tapes tied up in litigation during his lifetime. He knew his tapes were the worst mistake of his presidency.

By the time Nixon died, he had won his last campaign - for the office of ex-president. He was warmly eulogized by President Clinton and former Senator Robert Dole at a service attended by former presidents Bush, Reagan, Carter and Ford. But only weeks later, another batch of tapes was released, and he once again sank severely in public esteem.

Not surprisingly, history has treated Nixon badly.

Because of Watergate, I became Nixon's No. 1 enemy. He needed enemies, and under the circumstances, I was more than happy to fill that need. But Richard Nixon, in fact, had only one real enemy - the truth. The truth always has its own way of prevailing.

Earlier this year, White House political adviser Karl Rove was discussing history with presidential scholars in order to avoid the pitfalls of his predecessors. When asked about the Nixon presidency, Rove replied: "Is there something specific that we've drawn from Nixon? I'm not aware."

That, it seems, may be the legacy of Richard Nixon and Watergate - which is no legacy at all.

John W. Dean is a former Nixon White House Counsel. COPYRIGHT 2002 JOHN W. DEAN, DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE.

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