In 2008 I visited the lovely, dangerous Helmand Province in our 51st state, Afghanistan, as a guest of the 23rd Marine Expeditionary Unit and my hero, Dick Cheney, during which I was wounded by a Taliban tape worm and had dysentery for more than a month. For which I earned the marines' coveted Gomer Pyle Media Dumb-Ass Award.
Ain't been the same since, literally. But the V.A. wouldn't help me and nobody bid when I put the medal on Ebay. Probably because it doesn't exit. And if you don't know that by now then let's get together so I can sell you one slightly used record store on High Street.
But I did get to briefly meet Fox News commentator, Oliver North of Iran-Contra infamy, in a tiny grimy little marine combat outpost 50 miles from the Paki border. We exchanged Geraldo Rivera jokes. We didn't share MRE's. He had his own Humvee.