As I was sifting through my agenda for the week, trying to figure what I was supposed to write about, I saw that Mojo Nixon was coming to town for the Libertarian state convention. I guess we all have bills to pay and it sounded better than the usual Monday night city council meeting—that and the fact I have been a Mojoholic for a while now. For years Mojo used to wear a blue t-shirt on stage that said Vote Libertarian. He had been practicing for this gig forever.

In Mojo’s opinion, “the Republicans and Democrats are selling us the same bag of shit with different colors on it! They have a monopoly on politics. If you don’t go through them you’re screwed, except in a few little places…like Vermont, apparently anything goes in Vermont.”

The Libertarians have an extreme view on politics today and how we should change them. They think that all drugs should be legalized across the board, citing the Prohibition days as an example. They also believe an armed America is a safe America, again citing the Prohibition days as an example. I had the chance to sit down with Mojo during the convention at the Columbus Holiday Inn bar and ask him what his opinions were on these subjects.

Are you a card-carrying member of the Libertarian Party?

“No, I haven’t voted in years – although I have been a political animal all along. I am going to fix it all in my book the Mojo Manifesto: Mojo’s 100-Point Plan To Fix What Is Fucked Up In America.”

Are you going to be running for office here in Ohio on the Libertarian ticket?

“No. I believe, and I am only half-joking when I say this, it is my genetic destiny to lead a desperate struggle in an armed revolt against an oppressive government in a near-hopeless situation. I am not going to try to get elected. At some point the shit storm will come and it will be GO time…I think we need to wipe the slate clean. We don’t need to change five laws or ten laws. We need to start over. The rules of existence: Don’t hit, don’t steal, don’t cheat, and don’t lie. That is pretty much it; everything is a variation of that. It’s not real complicated but we have gone and made it complicated, which is making lawyers and accountants and weasels rich. You know people that are manipulating words or figures. I am not going to run for anything. Look at all the chicken dinners you have to eat, they have one tonight.”

Do you own a gun?

“No, I think it is foolish on the gun thing…if we want to change something we have to change their hearts and minds, not their guns.”

Do you believe all drugs should be legalized?

“Yea, I believe every drug should be legalized tomorrow, making drugs illegal hasn’t stopped anyone from doing drugs, and I am the proof of that. What making drugs illegal does it makes cops, jails and drug dealers rich. It doesn’t solve problem one. For every kid that is deterred another one is intrigued by the outlaw nature of the thing. I think adults needed to be treated like adults. IF you are over 18 and you are not hurting anybody it’s nobody’s fucking business what you are doing. If you are under 18 then you are the responsibility of your parents and you need to be, if not protected, at least shielded somewhat. But once you get to be over 18 if you don’t want to do drugs, don’t do ‘em; if you don’t want an abortion, don’t get one; if you don’t want a gay marriage, don’t marry someone the same sex as you…it is real simple. At some point, and this is mainly the religious right but not always, people want to start telling everybody else what to do. I’m 18, I’m alive, and I’m here right now! I’ll make the decisions and I’ll live by my consequences. If you want to tell your kids what to do that is fine, but don’t come and tell me what my kids are gonna do! If I want to raise my kids as Communist heathens I shall!”

After talking with Mojo I decided to go in search of the hospitality room and see who actually owns a gun, and even better, if anyone had brought their guns with them. The minute I walked into the room I started to get harassed.

“What do you want? You damn press people! You’re always making trouble for us.”

I wasn’t looking for any trouble I was just looking for some drugs. It’s hard to say that when there is a room full of people yelling at you, so I offered up my photographer instead. “Hey this guy behind me voted for Bush, you should talk to him” and with that I was granted entrance into the room. It was nothing personal but I did have a story to write.

Once I was in the room I thought I would try and blend in with the Libertarians so I went to the cooler and grabbed a Miller. At least they believed in supporting American brewers. I found a guy with a nose-sniffing problem in the bathroom and thought I would ask him a few questions about politics.

“So what made you decide to become a card carrying member of the party?”

“What? What are you doing in here?!” sniff “Take that damn press badge off if you plan on talking to me like that!”

I was only trying to make conversation; I had no interest in what he was doing and why he kept sniffing so much.

“I got into politics because of my parents,” said the man with the running nose, “My mother was a Democrat and my father was a Republican, at the age of 28 I decided to join the Libertarian party and argue with my Father.”

We all have to go through the rebellious stage of life sometime, some of us later than others I guess. So I left the bathroom and decided to join the half-dozen or so people that had formed in the main room. They were discussing the fact that they should concentrate more on local and state elections than the presidency if they wanted to make an impact on politics today. When they noticed that I had joined them, they began asking about my views on the world. I informed that as a member of the press it was my duty to be an unbiased observer. I just report the facts, as I see and hear them. I thought I would test their views on censorship (the fact they are against all forms of censorship) and became belligerent. I stated that as an American we had a moral right to help other countries and that we should pay taxes just for the privilege of being an American. Of course all this did was start a campaign to get me to join the Libertarian party. They started twisting my words around to try and make their point. I felt as if I had walked into a cult and at any second they would bring out a sacrificial virgin to offer up to the Gods. I grew bored and continued to wander around the room, trying to make conversation and try to listen in on what others had to say. “Can I take my clothes off now?” “Can you get a picture of me and Mojo together?” “Are we out of beer?” Nothing but a bunch of drunken college boys talking politics and having a private show from their teenage hero Mojo Nixon.

Jesus Christ, I thought as I left the room, no wonder this party has any money. They spend it all on drugs and cheap American beer. After eight years of Clinton smoking pot and sleeping with interns why in the hell shouldn’t they have a shot at running the country for a while? Hell, even Dubya had a little snort or two back in his college days when he was up and coming into politics.