Painful observations in the nation’s first state to act; no one has any business caring about this…who let these miserable freaks vote?

The horsemen slumber, the heroes in their graves; there is no music of the harp, no joy in the palace, as there was of yore.

DES MOINES, IA: Iowans are known for their corn and love of politics. When it is time to elect a new President, they are the first state in the Union to act, with their confusing caucus and absurd over-coverage in the media. I believed the hype; I watched CNN and CSPAN (and CSPAN2, mind you) like an addict for the last couple months, unable to get enough information on this impending campaign season. My first as a professional journalist, and perhaps the most important in the history of America...was I thrilled? You bet your ass. I was going to Iowa, I was to glimpse History. Ah, sweet naivete; had I only known how many hicks, fools, and general miscreants we could fit into the wretched state of Iowa I would have stayed home. I was research woefully inadequate, I finalized an expense agreement with my editor.

Read the full article as a PDF Read the full article as a PDF with images