Texas populist Jim Hightower, also known as the anti-Bush, spoke at a TrueMajority event in Bexley on August 13. Hightower signed copies of his new book Let’s Stop Beating Around the Bush. The highlight of Hightower’s talk was his detailed account on how George W. Bush came to own a “ranchette” in Crawford, Texas. Hightower speaks with great authority as the state’s former Commissioner of Agriculture.

As Hightower told us, Karl Rove, referred to as “Bush’s brain,” decided that Dubya needed a ranch in 1999 if he wanted to be elected President. After all, Ronald Reagan had a ranch and so did that last Texas President, Lyndon Johnson.

“There’s nothing Bush likes better than having a photo op of him clearing brush,” Hightower explained. “Bush is always inviting the media out to take pictures of him clearing brush. In my experience real ranchers spend virtually no time clearing brush. They’re usually tending cattle. But Bush bought a ranch in farm country, and the cattle you see as part of the photo op aren’t even his. They’re somebody else’s that he rents the land to.”

Hightower went on to detail further image-making tricks used to transform a New England preppie into a Texas cowboy. “Rove went and got him a cowboy hat costing a thousand dollars if it cost a dime. But the real irony is that the ranchette is a former pig farm, which is quite fitting.”

So, we now know how Bush, the rancher President was created. We can add this to Bush the Fighter Pilot action figure created by Rove, so let’s pin the proper medals on Dubya. The Freep suggests the I Went AWOL for Five Months medal, the distinguished Non-Combat medal for avoiding Vietnam, and of course, the lead star for failing to take a drug test and losing his flight status. Clearly Bush’s medals are far more impressive than Kerry’s silver star, bronze star and three purple hearts.