Satire by QAnonymous

In late 2022, just after the US mid-term elections, a billionaire cabal gathered in Florida to plot out Donald Trump’s return to power.

These mega/MAGA autocrats were at last ready to move their radically enhanced coup corps far beyond Trump’s shocking 2020 electoral defeat and the failure of the January 6 attack.

They met in a hidden high tech center deep in the bowels of Mar-a-Lago, with ample access to the secret documents the president-in-exile provided for their use.

A top Trump operative---possibly Steve Bannon---convened the cabal in person.  Vladimir Putin, Bibi Netanyahu and Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar, were summoned by zoom. 

They were joined by heads of state, rightist hundred-billionaires, Agency spooks, snarling hit men. 

The conspirators used AI to scramble their voices.

But a shadowy mole…who has since “committed suicide”…slipped the proceedings onto the internet. 

Other meetings have followed in total secrecy.    

So this remains the only known satirical blueprint for finally obliterating American democracy.  Having learned from Trump’s first failed coup, and from his humiliation in the 2022 mid-terms, no words are minced in plotting the path to a true global dictatorship under Putin’s iron fist, gloved in The Donald’s soiled public persona.

Convened by “SB”, we have assigned fictional IDs for most participants; Putin, Netanyahu and Sinwar speak for themselves:

SB:  Welcome.  We are here to re-fill the commons with shit.

BILLIONAIRE A:  In times of chaos, a frightened, shattered public always seeks a dictator.  In 2024, the Donald is the face, we are the brain, Putin is the Iron Fist.  And profits, as always, are for us, as Jesus intended. 

SB:  Operation “Frog & Scorpion” has been adopted.  We created plenty of chaos in 2020, but not enough.  We mistakenly allowed the public to vote on paper ballots, digitally scanned.  The Covid made us mail them out and allowed the public to mail them back in, after which they were accurately counted.  Biden’s margin of seven million was too much to overcome.  Then we came up short on January 6.  None of that can happen again. 

BILLIONAIRE B:  We are working state-by-state to bury the electoral process.  We have trained and armed a much larger force this time to take the Capitol and override the popular vote.  We failed in 2020 and on January 6.  But in 2024, democracy dies.

SB:  The prime source of chaos and division will of course be the Middle East, beginning in the fall of 2023.

BIBI:  I am ready to open the door for Sinwar’s attack.

SINWAR:  We at Hamas thank the Prime Minister for his on-going support.  The money you send us is key to keeping Gaza crushed under our Iron Heel.

PUTIN:  I wish to compliment Bibi on his role in eliminating Yitzhak Rabin.  We are so sick of these “Men of Peace” standing in our way. 

BIBI:  You are most welcome, Vlady.  It was your people who pulled the triggers.

PUTIN:  Just think how much better our world would be if hit squads like the one we used to liquidate Rabin had moved earlier to kill Gandhi, King, the Kennedys, Sadat, Bhutto.  Why do we wait so long?  As you can see, I had no such hesitation with Nemtsov or Navalny. 

SINWAR:  My understanding is that in about a year, in early October, 2023, you will stage for us a music festival near our border.

BIBI:  Yes, it will be a mini-Woodstock, but with even less security.  We’ll do it on a Shabbos.  We will clear out the IDF and Mossad and leave you a clear shot to kill, torture and rape all the Jews you want.

SINWAR:  This is most wonderful.  I understand you have many “peace lovers” on the southern Kibbutzim that you wish to eliminate.

BIBI:  Yes, plus the music festival will be filled with those damn hippies.  Kill all you want.  Take the rest as hostages.  Tell your men they can have their way with the women.

SINWAR:  And you have assured us there will be no response from your armed forces.

BIBI:  Our security headquarters will be flooded with terrified cell phone calls.  But we will ignore them.  You can have six hours before any of our armed forces will arrive.

PUTIN:  That’s a bit suspect, Bibi.  You will harm your reputation as a protector of your people.

BIBI:  We will staff our response switchboards with women and say they were hysterical and the men just didn’t believe them. 


PUTIN:  People will also suspect that you are letting this happen because you are under indictment and are left with barely a sliver of popular support.

BIBI:  They marched by the millions against me and nothing happened.  Israel has no constitution. I have trashed the court system,  And here I am.  I have made quite clear my intention make the Holy Land into a formal dictatorship.  This war will forever bury any foolish notions of a Jewish democracy.

PUTIN:  Yes, you are much to be admired.  I am about to stage another fake election. There will be harsh penalties for anyone who wishes to run or vote against me.  I will only win by about 90%.  Everyone will know it’s rigged.  Like you, I know whose buttons to push and which upstarts to eliminate.  It will be no problem.

SINWAR:  We rigged the Gaza vote count in 2006.  Since then we have slit many throats and dug many tunnels.  This attack will solidify our rule.  We will let Bibi level the playing field.

BIBI (laughing):  Well, that’s an interesting way to put it.  I am poised to obliterate your cities and slaughter your people.  You need only stay hidden in your tunnels, surrounded by the few hostages you choose to let live, and you will be perfectly safe.  You will not, of course, allow your own people to take refuge.

SINWAR:  Our men will have their way with your women, and then we will kill them so they can’t talk.  The world will not seem to notice.

PUTIN:  You must take care to preserve just enough of them to serve as your human shields. 

BIBI:  We have agreed to this.  It will be hard for me to pretend I actually care about the fate of the hostages.  Crocodile tears have never come easy to me.

SB:  Nobody expects that of you, Bibi.  We all know who you are.  But never forget that the purpose of this Gaza slaughter is to return Donald Trump to the White House.

BIBI:  I understand perfectly.  It will be great fun to see all the American libtards at each others’ throats.  Some will scream “genocide” at Biden.  Others will scream at him to save the hostages.  And we will mock them all. 

SB:  Well that’s the point.  To restore Trump’s power we must divide the left.  We need the peace lovers to demand Biden cut off your arms, Bibi.  We need the heartbroken Jews to demand you release their hostage kin, Yahya.  But both of you will run the bloodbath full bore until Trump is made dictator.

SINWAR:  We will never release the hostages because we know you, Bibi.  Once we no longer have them for human shields you and your Mossad will make a big show of killing our visible leadership.  But for every ordinary Palestinian you kill, a thousand will devote their lives to killing Jews---ANY Jews---even though your people were the original Palestinians.  But you don’t really care, do you?    

BIBI:  We will keep the carnage going, because the moment that war ends I will be out of power and on my way to prison.  So I think we understand each other.

PUTIN:  Best of all, you will fill the world with gloom, which we Russians certainly understand.  Thus Tsars like me and my beloved Uncle Joe will rule forever.

SB:  And in the US we will have the peacenik left---many of them Jewish---screaming at Biden for sending Bibi his weapons while the supporters of Israel will scream at Biden for sending aid to the Palestinians.  And The Donald will glide into the White House.  It will be a thing of beauty.

PUTIN:  Bibi, I have always despised you Jews.  By slaughtering the Gazans and failing to free the hostages you will magnify global anti-semitism a thousand-fold while I am set to kill Zelaznyy and so many others like him with a smile on my face.  Jew-haters for all time to come will scream “GAZA” while they butcher your people, as I will surely do the first chance I get. 

SINWAR:  Yes, Bibi, you will fulfill the greatest dream of Hamas.  You will erase the support you Jews have carried with you from the Nazi Holocaust.  Now we have you perpetrating what looks like one of your own.  I believe there was an American boxer who had a phrase to describe this.

PUTIN:  Rope-a-Dope.

SB:  Muhammed Ali.

PUTIN:  But Gaza is not so big.  Bibi, you will too soon run out of killing fields.  So you will provoke Iran.  Kill a few of their people.  They will retaliate.  The war will explode like the Reichstag,

BILLIONAIRE A:  Instead of progressives marching en masse with Biden to end poverty and homelessness, they will march against Biden to end these wars which we have created.  War is Peace.  Ignorance is Strength.  Slavery is freedom. 

BILLIONAIRE B:  A divided left opens the door for der Fuhrer Donald.

SB:  Bibi, you are taking global Jew hating to a whole new level. And you won’t care in the least.  You are a mamzer-ganef of the highest order.  Just like us.


PUTIN:  First the Donald will eliminate all the Palestinians so we can build resorts and condos in northern Gaza.  Then he will obliterate all the Jews, starting with Michael Cohen and his idiot son-in-law.  He wants us to get Tom Brady marry Ivanka.

SB:  Right.  But let’s keep our eyes on the prize, here.  We stage this Hamas attack which you will fund and coordinate, Bibi, and you will carry out, Yahya.  This will forever torment the Jewish people.  But you, Bibi, will fail to honor the hostages in the global media, letting the focus fall on the Palestinians everyone will see you annihilate.  And you, Yahya, will keep the Gazans out of your tunnels, caring exactly as much about the deaths of your people as Bibi will care about the torture and rape of his.

BOTH:  Agreed.

SB:  And all this will spread rage, doom and confusion around the world.  It will hopelessly divide the American public in general, and the Jewish electorate in particular.  It will flood the US with ill-will, turn the public against Joe Biden and enshrine depression, despair, dictatorship and the permanent dominion of we, the super-rich, which is ultimately what we are all about.  With The Donald back in the White House we will bury American democracy once and for all, just as Bibi is doing in Jerusalem and you, Yahya, have long since done to Gaza.

PUTIN:  DA!!!  It will also avert the world’s eyes while I enjoy my mass murder in Ukraine.  I just wish Uncle Joe was here to see all this.

SINWAR:  Set the date, Bibi.  We will come pouring through.

BIBI:  How about October 7, 2023.  Perfectly timed thirteen months before the American election.  The gates will be open, the peaceniks on the farms and the kids at music festival will be all yours.  I will stay in power and out of jail…. 

PUTIN:  And President-for-Life Trump and the rest of you will do exactly what I, the eternal Tsar, will tell you to do. 

SB:  OK.  We’re done here.  Tell the Donald to meet me upstairs for dinner.   I’ve ordered shawarma with matzoh balls and borscht. 

Credits: Free to share! Public Domain!