I sent an e-mail to my friends
It took three years to make amends
I thought it bright, I thought it smart
They thought I was Bonaparte.

Oh my E-mail, you broke my heart
The one I sent for a new restart
It made my buddies howl and hoot
My battered brain had to reboot.


Micro-gremlins made me the fool
Dumped me in the delete pool
I started in a loving format
Now I'm just an e-doormat

Damn you e-mail, you're so cruel
A power surging devil's tool
I thought I'd written wise and true
Back it came, with a virus, too.


That note I sent with so much hope
With that silly little joke
Back came replies, about sixty-six
Said don't cc these stupid tricks.

Oh that e-mail was so dumb
I tried to attach a bunch of fun
But e-errors made it worse
Now I want to hire a hearse.


So then I went and scanned my file
The one I'd entered with a smile
Now I see why they're so pissed
At those e-glitches that I missed!

Oh glib e-mail, composed in the park
The one that sang just like a lark
The one I should've held on to
Before I sent it off to you.


I did my best that fence to mend
Then I hit the damn all-send
My whole list got a great big yuk
Forty comebacks wished me luck.

Oh, bum e-mail, I've been had
Another dropping on my mouse pad
Gotta shut my electric yap
Gotta dump this virtual trap


Electric Satan twists my machine
Taints and poisons what I mean
Makes electrons deadly darts
Gotta stop before it starts

So e-mail, goodbye to you
I'll go back to tried and true
Call my best friends on the phone
We can talk when we're all home.

Harvey Wasserman's books are at This e-mail was sent in error. Sorry.

Copyright 2006 by Harvey Wasserman