I sent an e-mail to my friends
It took three years to make amends
I thought it bright, I thought it smart
They thought I was Bonaparte.

Oh my E-mail, you broke my heart
The one I sent for a new restart
It made my buddies howl and hoot
My battered brain had to reboot.


Micro-gremlins made me the fool
Dumped me in the delete pool
I started in a loving format
Now I'm just an e-doormat

Damn you e-mail, you're so cruel
A power surging devil's tool
I thought I'd written wise and true
Back it came, with a virus, too.


That note I sent with so much hope
With that silly little joke
Back came replies, about sixty-six
Said don't cc these stupid tricks.

Oh that e-mail was so dumb
I tried to attach a bunch of fun
But e-errors made it worse
Now I want to hire a hearse.


So then I went and scanned my file
The one I'd entered with a smile
Now I see why they're so pissed
At those e-glitches that I missed!

Oh glib e-mail, composed in the park
The one that sang just like a lark
The one I should've held on to
Before I sent it off to you.


I did my best that fence to mend
Then I hit the damn all-send
My whole list got a great big yuk
Forty comebacks wished me luck.

Oh, bum e-mail, I've been had
Another dropping on my mouse pad
Gotta shut my electric yap
Gotta dump this virtual trap


Electric Satan twists my machine
Taints and poisons what I mean
Makes electrons deadly darts
Gotta stop before it starts

So e-mail, goodbye to you
I'll go back to tried and true
Call my best friends on the phone
We can talk when we're all home.

Harvey Wasserman's books are at www.harveywasserman.com. This e-mail was sent in error. Sorry.

Copyright 2006 by Harvey Wasserman