Dear Mr. President: For the past 2-1/2 months I've been part of a collective effort to prove that your election on Nov. 2 was fraudulent, and indeed that your election in 2000 also. I'm not one of your supporters, needless to say. I stood among the protestors on Pennsylvania Avenue as your limousine sped by at about 30 m.p.h. on Jan. 20, holding a sign aloft that read, "NOV. 2---WORSE THAN WATERGATE."

  Imagine my surprise, then, to receive (on Jan. 24) an invitation to your inauguration. Included in the envelope was a solicitation for "Inaugural Collectibles," including a "Presidential Coaster Set, a "Lead Crystal Ice Bucket & Champagne Flute Set," and an "Inauguration Key Chain."

Since this generous invite arrived four days after-the-fact, and because you don't brook dissent very well, I know it can't be that you wanted my company on your big day. So from the choices provided below, please select the reason that comes closest to explaining why this invitation has been sent to me.  

1) It was a polite way of saying, "You're under surveillance."  

2) You confused me with the Robert Mills who designed the Washington Monument.  

3) You read my book, "It Didn't Happen the Way You Think," and thought it was about weapons of mass destruction.

4) Karl Rove secretly owns the company that manufactures the memorabilia offered for sale.  

5) Tsunami victims have no use for crystal ice buckets.

Respectfully yours, Robert Lockwood Mills, author/historian