Op-Ed

As I have previously mentioned, Mrs. Peaves works with underprivileged children. That has led her to befriend some of their parents. A few years ago she learned that most of them were being ripped off yearly by unscrupulous tax preparers. She asked me to help them by preparing their taxes for them. What I learned was shocking, but more on that later. Over the weekend, Mrs. Peaves talked me into (read: browbeat me into) doing her own taxes. When I was finished I learned something that did not make her happy. I learned that the IRS will not begin processing returns until January 31. After researching the delay, I learned it was a result of the government shutdown back in October. The IRS made the announcement soon after the shutdown was over, but I did not see the news at the time. It was probably in the business news, which I routinely ignore. Since learning of the delay Mrs. Peaves has been in a snit, and not because her own return won't be processed until the end of the month. Her concern is the poorest members of the community who are typically eager to get their hands on some quick cash.

I need a new hobby. Not that I am tired of my old ones, it's just I watch too much television. Mind you, I don't watch that much. There's not that much that interests me. I watch “Jeopardy” because I like facts. I like old things, so I watch “Antiques Roadshow” and “American Pickers.” Other than those programs, I do not watch much of anything on a regular basis with one exception, “The Big Bang Theory,” which, in my opinion is the greatest sit-com of all time. I like science too. I like old movies, so I often tune to Turner Classic Movies. But the other night none of my favorite shows were airing and there was nothing to meet my fancy on TCM so I started hopping around the program guide looking for something, anything to occupy my time. I found something that I thought might do the trick.

Dear Lady Monster, I masturbate a few times a day and am still ready to have sex a few more times. Sometimes I either don't have time or forget, but when I'm inspired, watch out! Does this make me a sex addict? Love, Once More Into The Breeches Dear Once More, In my opinion, sex addiction should be seen as other addictions are. It's not about the amount of sex you're having (masturbation, intercourse, oral, etc), it's your emotions around the behavior. Here are few questions to ask yourself: 1. “Is this a habit or an addiction?” Do you know the difference? Simply stated, a habit is a choice, an addiction is a compulsion. If it's a habit, you can make the choice to stop. If it's an addiction, it is beyond voluntary control. You will need outside help to make the transition from these behaviors. 2. “Am I ready to admit that I have a problem?” Are you in denial or are ready to admit that you need help? There are a list of symptoms and signs of addiction. Most common are to consider, how does your behavior affect your life? Do you feel compelled? Do you relinquish your duties, responsibilities, social engagements, relationships in order to feed your cravings? 3.

The Holidays are a time when one either blesses their own foresight or curses themselves for their lack of it. Overcoming setbacks in my year-end Kerouac-esq peregrination to the east made me do both. I should have planed this trip better, but at least I stole Peeves’ login so I can give Free Press readers a properly scathing product review of my travels. It all began with a quick jaunt to New York on a Chinatown bus. Younger friends had been suggesting this for years, older friends swore I would die in some flaming wreck. The bus from Downtown Columbus to Canal Street in New York was advertised at twelve hours and sixty bucks. The bus left a little late and lost a tire on the way. It was still only two hours late and the blowout barely woke me up. Discount Christmas shopping in Chinatown was followed by a quick and cheap gypsy cab ride to my final destination. Christmas party, old friends, mulled cider, good times. Greyhound wanted more than twice as much and professed to take twice as long. No thanks dirty dog. After the party it was time to drift southward. Sadly, every Chinatown bus service going anywhere relevant was sold out for the holidays.

On Kevin Smith’s Fatman on Batman podcast last week, longtime Warner Bros./Cartoon Network writer and producer Paul Dini spoke up about studio pressure he’s felt lately to not only make sure cartoons appeal to boys but to actively exclude girls and, for that matter, older audiences of either gender. Why? Because they don’t buy action figures. The subject came up in relation to Dini’s work on the just-cancelled Beware the Batman show on Cartoon Network. Prior to BtB Dini worked on two other two-season-wonder DC Comics-related superhero shows: Green Lantern: The Animated Series and Young Justice. In fact, Dini’s work on superhero cartoons goes back to the much-loved 90s classic Batman: The Animated Series, which brought a maturity to afternoon cartoons that the 80s had lacked. That series remained a huge influence on DC’s cartoons specifically and action cartoons in general until… Well, until now. The big case in point is the new Teen Titans Go!, which takes the characters made popular in 2003’s alternately silly and serious Teen Titans cartoon and strips it all down to just the silliness. Why?

Dear Lady Monster, I'm in my 20s and I keep losing my hard-on. No matter when- during a hand job, blow job or actual sex. Sometimes I cum even when I'm not totally hard, but my girlfriend gets disappointed, wanting to feel pleasure. I feel like I'm losing her because I can't keep it up. Wilted Willie Dear Willie, Not to worry. Really, don't worry. Worry and performance anxiety is probably the greatest cause of losing an erection during sex and sexual play. One of the best ways to combat this is to talk to your partner. Open up about feeling anxious, or ask them how you can please them. Distract yourself from your anxiety. Erections vary, they are not a constant. They are affected by emotion, visual and mental stimulation.

Leave it to Sarah Palin, of all people, to play unwitting court jester, and speak aloud that which we all would rather have left unsaid. On November 11, in an interview on NBC, she said “I love the commercialization of Christmas because it spreads the Christmas cheer.” This statement of course, is rather gauche for us concerned liberals, who like to concern-troll about about the “true meaning of Christmas” and then turn around and snark on Christianity itself. But part of the reason her statement is so horrifying is that it's not wrong. The commercialization of Christmas helps spread the Christmas cheer because they are one in the same. Indeed, the commercialization of Christmas is seen to be a universal bad, the only time it is socially acceptable to rail against capitalism. Inasmuch as we expect Christmas to be about some actual values, commercials that tell parents to give up on any gift that involves personal effort, or some form of unquantifiable love, and instead just buy the the new phone from Verizon churns our stomachs, and rightly so. They seem in violation of something, some ineffable spirit of this time of year. But what is the true meaning of Christmas?