Listeners don't get much news these days if they tune into commercial radio stations. Coverage of national and global events is scant at best, while local news -- once the pride of many AM radio stations -- is now an endangered species. The remaining community news is usually the "rip and read" variety from wire services.

But let's give credit where it's due. In the United States, thousands of radio outlets are doing a good job of gathering one particular type of news. The coverage is often meticulous and dependable as stations devote substantial resources to providing reliable up-to-the-minute information: If you want the latest news about traffic, in all kinds of weather, turn on the radio.

Using an array of helicopters, mobile phones and other assorted information relay systems, radio stations keep listeners posted on vehicular fender-benders, glitches, snarls and alternative routes. Where I live, a local "all news" CBS affiliate -- owned by the giant Infinity broadcasting conglomerate -- hypes "traffic and weather together" every 10 minutes, round the clock. And the quality of the traffic reports is impressive.

So let's join Undersecretary of Defense for Acquisition, Logistics and Technology Edward C. "Pete" Aldridge at a recent Pentagon press briefing, where he's addressing concerns about the Pentagon's bold new plan to have Admiral John Poindexter personally review exactly what you bought in Safeway last week and all the dirty movies you ordered up in Motel 6 last time you were on the road.

Poindexter, you'll recall, is the bespectacled seadog who, as one of Reagan's National Security chieftains, instrumented another bold effort in synergy, later known as Iran/Contra, which involved shuffling money and guns along the axis of evil from Iran to the Nicaraguan contras in defiance of U.S. laws at the time. Poindexter got nailed for lying to Congress but was later pardoned.

EXCLUSIVE: THE FOLLOWING TRANSCRIPT CAME UNANNOUNCED TO THE E-MAIL ADDRESS OF THE COLUMBUS FREE PRESS. WE MAKE NO DEFINITIVE STATEMENT AS TO ITS TRUE ORIGIN:

SECRETARY RIDGE: Good Afternoon, Mr. President.

PRESIDENT BUSH: Tom, how are you.

SECRETARY RIDGE: I'm fine, sir. And how are you Dick? Karl?

VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: Fine, Tom.

KARL ROVE: We're great, Tom. Especially since that election. Pretty much Katy Bar the Door now, don't you think.

SECRETARY RIDGE: You betcha, Karl. It's all over but the shouting, and given what we've done to Nancy P. there won't be much of that either.

VICE-PRESIDENT CHENEY: Yeah, gotta hand it to you on that one, Karl. One minute that Pelosi broad is a raving liberal, the next she's a whiny little lap dog.

PRESIDENT BUSH: Well, hey guys, yeah but what's with little Tommy Daschle over there in the Senate. All of a sudden he's yapping again about the war. What do we gotta do, send him some more anthrax?

AUSTIN, Texas -- Readin' the newspapers anymore is eerily reminiscent of all those bad novels warning of the advent of fascism in America. "It Can't Happen Here" by Sinclair Lewis was a bad book, and the genre shades off into right-wing paranoia about black helicopters, including the memorably awful "Turner Diaries." I don't use the f-word myself -- in fact, for years, I've made fun of liberals who hear the approach of jackbooted fascism around every corner. But to quote a real authority on the subject, "Fascism should more properly be called corporatism, since it is the merger of state and corporate power." -- Benito Mussolini.

Paul Krugman recently quoted "the quite apolitical website Corporate Governance, which matter-of-factly remarks, ‘Given the power of corporate lobbyists, government control often equates to de facto corporate control anyway.'" It's gettin' downright creepy out there.

The most hair-raising news du jour is about Total Information Awareness, a giant government computer spy system being set up to spy on Americans and run by none other than John Poindexter of Iran-Contra fame.

But when Shea-Keneally insisted on an explanation, she was in for an even bigger surprise: The recruiters cited the No Child Left Behind Act, President Bush's sweeping new education law passed earlier this year. There, buried deep within the law's 670 pages, is a provision requiring public secondary schools to provide military recruiters not only with access to facilities, but also with contact information for every student -- or face a cutoff of all federal aid.

"I was very surprised the requirement was attached to an education law," says Shea-Keneally. "I did not see the link."

The military complained this year that up to 15 percent of the nation's high schools are "problem schools" for recruiters. In 1999, the Pentagon says, recruiters were denied access to 19,228 schools. Rep. David Vitter, a Republican from Louisiana who sponsored the new recruitment requirement, says such schools "demonstrated an anti-military attitude that I thought was offensive."

To many educators, however, requiring the release of personal information intrudes on the rights of students. "We feel it is a clear departure from